what is grief, if not the warmth of your hand
on mine, “be brave” trailing from your lips
that gave a faltering smile - your last vow of love
i was drunk on, as i reached for the final
echo of a spark fading in your eyes?

what is grief, if not the hollow of my passenger
seat; your blue sunglasses still hooked on the mirror,
casting shards of light across the console, the radio
echoing your voice, soft and off-key, as we
once drove toward our perfect nowhere?

what is grief, if not the basket of laundry hastily
left atop your empty place in our bed, each shirt
carrying marshmallows and lavender, the scent of
the love i cannot bring myself to release,
each article untouched, as if to hold reality still?

what is grief, if not the cloudless day outside
my window, the vast sky collapsing beneath
your absence, a book left open, a receipt marking
the page, our deck chairs echoing with
your last complaint about a story too slow?

what is grief, if not my hands clasped together,
a desperate prayer to the deities of memory,
my calloused palms aching for the silk of yours
as i squeeze firmly, waiting for the ghost of your reply,
haunted by the breath you once drew from me?

what is grief, if not the vacant silence of
the kitchen, my body aching for your arms
around me from behind, your whisper sending
shivers down my neck, along my spine, while you
rubbed sleep from your eyes with a shameless grin?

what is grief, if not the face of your brother,
his gaze bloodshot, bearing the same ache,
my chest tightening as your smile returns
unbidden through him, the love you left still
glimmering in the eyes of those who remain?

and grief remains in the unspoken fury
of “she was a beautiful soul, she lit up each room,”
as if their faces could ever understand
the way you tenderly cradled my heart,
how your eyes once found mine in any room?

so what is grief, if not love left unfinished -
your life, our life, stranded in the ink
of an author reaching for the next chapter;
a heart once as bright as the wildflowers
extinguished beneath the snow where you kissed me last?